apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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