if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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