I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
