Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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