just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Can I color on your dick again?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
