3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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