your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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