I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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