Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
