And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
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