Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
