Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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