Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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