took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
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There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
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TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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