just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
