Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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