Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
