he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Is Oprah even human
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
