Bisexual people are plain selfish.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
