You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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