ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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