My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
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Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
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My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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