I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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