please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
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every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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