If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
