I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
