Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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