I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
