got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
