The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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