I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
