Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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