It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize