Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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