i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
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