I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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