I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So here I am, sexting at work.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
