I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize