If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Sorry about my life...
Drunk is not a location!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
