I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
