You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
