Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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