i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
