never play flip cup with pint glasses
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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