K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
