He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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