Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
