Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
