I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize