yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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