We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.