Texts From Last Night

• Favorite

  (573): View more from Missouri

  his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"

  (314): View more from Missouri

  did it work

  (573): View more from Missouri

  that's not the point...

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  (573): his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?" (314): did it work (573): that's not the point... http://tfl.nu/fjqb
  Replies (74) Good night (9674) Bad night (1148)
• Favorite

  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.

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  (608): sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself. http://tfl.nu/6c7w
  Replies (26) Good night (10115) Bad night (1778)
• Favorite

  (807): View more from Ontario

  I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.

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  (807): I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature. http://tfl.nu/rbpc
  Replies (47) Good night (6596) Bad night (1222)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.

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  (802): Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets. http://tfl.nu/f9nv
  Replies (6) Good night (1313) Bad night (2588)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.

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  (843): The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own. http://tfl.nu/b2cm
  Replies (1) Good night (3011) Bad night (571)
• Favorite

  (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick

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  (215): he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick http://tfl.nu/z2ix
  Replies (13) Good night (739) Bad night (1689)
• Favorite

  (864): View more from South Carolina

  Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.

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  (864): Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded. http://tfl.nu/5fxu
  Replies (21) Good night (3888) Bad night (1974)
• Favorite

  (312): View more from Illinois

  Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed

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  (312): Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed http://tfl.nu/to9s
  Replies (4) Good night (1354) Bad night (622)
• Favorite

  (614): View more from Ohio

  Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.

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  (614): Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part. http://tfl.nu/d1vu
  Replies (3) Good night (2142) Bad night (455)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.

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  (603): I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee. http://tfl.nu/omfe
  Replies (13) Good night (1141) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.

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  (603): so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me. http://tfl.nu/37lj
  Replies (2) Good night (587) Bad night (887)
• Favorite

  (503): View more from Oregon

  jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.

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  (503): jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons. http://tfl.nu/trxl
  Replies (2) Good night (843) Bad night (412)
• Favorite

  (760): View more from California

  That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill

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  (760): That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill http://tfl.nu/s1si
  Replies (0) Good night (475) Bad night (237)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.

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  (203): Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down. http://tfl.nu/cgfa
  Replies (9) Good night (1669) Bad night (369)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate

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  (908): I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate http://tfl.nu/fdgz
  Replies (0) Good night (423) Bad night (300)

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