You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.