There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
then he tried to convert me to islam
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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