I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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