I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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