So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Randomize
