I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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