I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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