Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
