Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
