you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
