so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
