just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
