So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
