Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize