I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
