apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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