I feel like abortions should bother me more
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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