It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
