I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
